Wallpaper of Harley Quinn and the Joker Funny Harlye Quinn Qouts
Harley Quinn: Huh? What was that? I should kill everyone and escape?
[to SEALs]
Harley Quinn: Sorry. The voices.
[chuckles]
Harley Quinn: I'm kidding! Jeez! That's not what they really said.
Amanda Waller: [narration] Before she ran off and joined the circus, she was known as Dr. Harleen Quinzel. A psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. She was assigned to The Clown himself.
The Joker: Dr. Quinzel. You know, I live for these moments with you. What do you got?
Harley Quinn: I got you a kitty.
The Joker: So thoughtful.
Amanda Waller: [narration] She thought she was curing him, but she was falling in love.
The Joker: There is something you could do for me, Doctor.
Harley Quinn: Anything. I mean, yeah.
The Joker: I need a machine gun
Harley Quinn: A machine gun?
Amanda Waller: [narration] Talk about a workplace romance gone wrong.
Harley Quinn: [to Katana] Love your perfume. What is that? The stench of death?
[Harley smashes a shop window]
Rick Flag: Seriously? The hell's wrong with you people?
Harley Quinn: [takes a purse] We're bad guys. It's what we do.
The Joker: [from trailer] I can't wait to show you my toys.
Rick Flag: You disobey me, you die.
[Killer Croc growls]
Rick Flag: You try to escape, you die. You otherwise irritate or vex me... and guess what? You die.
Harley Quinn: I'm known to be quite vexing. I'm just forewarning you.
Rick Flag: Lady, shut up!
The Joker: What do we have here?
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: I did everything you said. I helped you.
The Joker: Ah. You helped me. By erasing my mind? What few faded memories I had! No. You left me in a black hole of rage and confusion. Is that the medicine you practice, Dr. Quinzel?
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: What are you gonna do? You gonna kill me, Mr. J?
The Joker: What? Oh, I'm not gonna kill ya. I'm just gonna hurt ya... really, really bad.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: You think so? Well, I can take it.
The Joker: [puts belt in her mouth] I wouldn't want you to break those perfect porcelain-capped teeth when the juice hits your brain.
Deadshot: [toasting] Here's to honor... among thieves.
Katana: I'm not a thief.
Deadshot: Oh. She's not a thief.
[they clink their glasses]
Captain Boomerang: I actually prefer to think of myself as an asset relocation specialist.
Deadshot: Well, we almost pulled it off... despite what everybody thought.
Diablo: We weren't picked to succeed. You know that, right? We were all chosen to fail.
Deadshot: Yeah, I know that. Worst part of it is, they're going to blame us for the whole thing. And they can't have people knowing the truth. We're the patsies. The cover up. Don't forget... we're the bad guys.
Amanda Waller: [narrating] And that was just the beginning.
[Joker and Harley drive crazily through Gotham City when Batman starts to follow]
Harley Quinn: Come on, Puddin'. Do it!
The Joker: Oh. We have got company.
Harley Quinn: Batsy, Batsy, Batsy.
Amanda Waller: [narrating] She's crazier than him. And more fearless.
[Batman leaps onto the roof of the car]
Harley Quinn: Stupid Bats, you're ruining date night!
[Harley attempts to shoot Batman through the roof]
Amanda Waller: [naration] They became the king and queen of Gotham City. And God help anyone who disrespected the queen.
Griggs: Ames, if this man shoots me, I want you to kill him... and I want you to go clear my browser history.
The Joker: I love this guy. He's so intense!
Monster T: [looking at Harley dancing] Mmm. You're a lucky man. You got a bad bitch.
The Joker: Oh, that she is. The fire in my loins. The itch in my crotch. The one, the only, the infamous Harley Quinn!
[whistles for Harley]
The Joker: Ooh, come to Daddy.
Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
[laughs]
The Joker: Listen, you are my gift to this handsome hunka hunka! You belong to him now.
Harley Quinn: Well...
[barks at Monster T and laughs]
Harley Quinn: You're cute. You want me? I'm all yours.
Monster T: I don't want no beef.
The Joker: You don't want no beef?
[mocking]
The Joker: You don't want no beef? You don't want no beef?
Harley Quinn: Why, what's wrong? You don't like me? Fine. Don't waste my time then.
Monster T: This is your lady.
The Joker: Look, are you enjoying yourself?
The Joker: No. That's your lady, Joker.
The Joker: That's right.
[from trailer]
The Joker: Are you sweet talkin' me? All'a that chitchat's gonna getcha hurt...
Deadshot: [Harley points gun] Whoa! Relax. It's me.
Harley Quinn: [long pause] You ever been in love?
Deadshot: Nah. Never.
Harley Quinn: Bullshit.
Deadshot: You don't kill as many people as I've killed and still sleep like a kitten if you feel shit like love.
Harley Quinn: Another textbook sociopath.
Deadshot: You might wanna work on your team motivation thing. You heard of Phil Jackson?
Rick Flag: Yeah.
Deadshot: He's like the gold standard, okay? Triangle, bitch. Study.
Seals' Admiral Burns: These are villains, Amanda. What makes you think you can control them?
Amanda Waller: Because getting people to act against their own self-interest for the national security of the United States is what I do for a living.
Diablo: Don't touch me, man!
Deadshot: Don't touch you? What you gonna do?
Diablo: Don't touch me!
Deadshot: I'm touching you. I'm touching you. Do something.
Diablo: Don't touch me!
Deadshot: Do something!
Diablo: You wanna see something?
Deadshot: Oh, yeah, I wanna see...
Diablo: You wanna see something?
Deadshot: Yes, I wanna see something!
[Diablo goes berserk and shoots fire everywhere then turns and stares a Deadshot]
Diablo: I was trying to get you there. Phil Jackson. We good, right?
Harley Quinn: You got all dressed up for me?
The Joker: Oh, you know I'd do anything for you. By the way, I've got some grape soda on ice and a bear skin rug waiting.
Harley Quinn: Yeah?
Frost: Boss, we got a problem!
[the Joker's helicopter is struck by a missile]
The Joker: Huh? This bird... is baked. Okay honey, it's me and you.
Harley Quinn: Let's do it!
Amanda Waller: I wanna build a team of some very bad people, who I think can do some good.
Deadshot: I don't like this, Flag.
Rick Flag: I don't like it either.
[Deadshot puts on his mask]
Harley Quinn: Pussy.
Deadshot: I will knock your ass out. I do not care that you're a girl.
[Harley Quinn changes her clothes in public]
Harley Quinn: [sees everyone staring at her] What?
[Enchantress touches Admiral Burns]
Seals' Admiral Burns: [unnerved] Uh, please don't touch me. Please don't touch me.
Amanda Waller: It's taken me some work. But I finally have them. The worst of the worst.
Deadshot: What's this? Uh, cheerleading tryouts?
Deadshot: Don't forget: we're the bad guys.
Deadshot: [given a gun] Y'all jokers must be crazy.
[proceeds to put several headshots through several targets]
Griggs: Stay back. If she moves, fire her up, all right?
[to Harley]
Griggs: You gonna come down from there or what?
[Harley laughs and swings slowly down to the floor]
Griggs: Oh yeah, look at you.
[Harley lands and goes to the front of her cell]
Griggs: You know the rules, hotness. You gotta keep off of these bars.
Harley Quinn: What, these bars?
Griggs: Yeah. Those bars.
[Harley licks the bar]
Griggs: Oh, my God. You are really in bad shape upstairs, lady!
Harley Quinn: Gonna come in here and tell me that? Or are you too scared? Come on, I'm bored. I'm bored. Play with me.
Griggs: You put five of my guards in the hospital, honey. No one's gonna play with you. You sleep on the ground.
Harley Quinn: I sleep where I want, when I want, with who I want.
Griggs: Oh man. I love you.
[on radio]
Griggs: Alpha One, hit her.
Deadshot: So that's your old lady, huh?
Rick Flag: Yeah.
Deadshot: Well, you need to handle this shit, all right? Get up there, smack her on her ass, tell her, "Knock this shit off."
Rick Flag: I do not think that'd be wise.
Monster T: We finally meet.
Frost: Nah, he don't shake hands. But sit down and have a drink.
Monster T: Hey, J. On behalf of everybody, welcome back. I wanted to come by and personally say thank you. You making me good money. I'm making you good money.
The Joker: Are you sweet talking me?
[laughs]
The Joker: I love this guy. He's so intense!
Amanda Waller: his is crown jewels here, Mr. Wayne. And you do understand my legal exposure. If anyone knew what I procured for you...
Bruce Wayne: Listen... I can keep a secret, okay? What do you want?
Amanda Waller: People are asking questions about Midway City. The kind of people who can get the answers. And if they can get those answers, my head will be on a pike.
Bruce Wayne: Consider yourself under my protection. If you deliver.
Amanda Waller: [hands him several files regarding metahumans] Why, Mr. Wayne?
Bruce Wayne: Just like to make friends.
Amanda Waller: There's the difference between us. You believe in friendship, I believe in leverage.
Bruce Wayne: Good night.
Amanda Waller: You look tired. You should stop working nights.
Bruce Wayne: You should shut it down, or my friends and I will do it for you.
Amanda Waller: Deadshot... shoot that woman right now!
Deadshot: She ain't do shit to me.
Amanda Waller: You're a hitman, right? I got a contract. Kill Harley Quinn. Do it for your freedom and your kid.
Deadshot: [pause] Now she dead.
Dexter Tolliver: What if Superman had decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the White House and grab the President of the United States right out of the Oval Office? Who would've stopped him?
Harley Quinn: [seeing Enchantress building her weapon] Hey, everyone can see all this trippy magic stuff, right?
Rick Flag: Yeah. Why?
Harley Quinn: I'm off my meds.
Deadshot: I don't know if they told you, but I-I'm a hitman. I'm not a fireman. I don't save people.
[Sees that Joker is about to drive through the railing, into the river]
Harley Quinn: Puddin'.
[Hysterically panicking as the car goes into to the water]
Harley Quinn: Puddin', I can't swim!
Harley Quinn: I lost my Puddin'. But you can get him back, right?
Enchantress: I can, my dear. Anything you want.
Harley Quinn: You promise?
Enchantress: Yes, child. You need only bow and serve beneath my feet.
Harley Quinn: I like what you're sellin', lady. There's just one teeny problem. You messed with my friends!
Captain Boomerang: [to Diablo] And the kids?
Harley Quinn: He killed them. Didn't you?
[pause]
Harley Quinn: Own that shit. Own it! What'd you think was gonna happen? Huh?
Deadshot: Hey, Harley. Come on.
Harley Quinn: What, you were just... Thinking you can have a happy family and coach little leagues, and make car payments? Normal's a setting on the dryer. People like us, we don't get normal!
Captain Boomerang: [yelling] Why is it always a knife fight every single time you open your mouth? You know, outside you're amazing. But inside, you're ugly.
Harley Quinn: We all are. We all are! Except for him.
[looks at Killer Croc]
Harley Quinn: He's ugly on the outside, too.
Killer Croc: Not me, shorty. I'm beautiful.
Harley Quinn: Yeah, you are.
Deadshot: [after showing his marksmen skills] All right. Now you know what you're buying. Let me tell you the price. First, I want out of here. Second, I want full custody of my daughter. All right? And her mom can have, like, supervised visits. But her stank-ass boyfriend can't come. Darnell can't come.
Rick Flag: Darnell's out.
Deadshot: He's out. Third, y'all gonna pay for my daughter's whole education. Best schools. And then I want her to go to college. Like Harvard. Or Yale.
Rick Flag: So Ivy League.
Deadshot: Ivy League, yeah. One them big joints, you know?
Rick Flag: Mmm-hmm.
Deadshot: And, uh, if she can't cut it and her grades start slipping, I need you to white-people that thing.
Rick Flag: Mmm-hmm.
Deadshot: You know how y'all do.
Rick Flag: Oh, yeah.
Deadshot: You know, righ? Okay. Now that's my price. But I'm concerned 'cause I don't see nobody writing shit down.
Rick Flag: [chuckles] You're in no position to make any demands.
Deadshot: Oh. I'm sorry. You thought I was talking to you. No, errand boy. I'm talking to your boss.
[to Amanda]
Deadshot: That's my price, sweetie. You know what it is.
Katana: [in Japanese] Criminals deserve no mercy!
Deadshot: What, we some kinda... Suicide Squad?
Frost: You might wanna keep your mouth shut.
Griggs: Can I go, man? What the hell is going on, man? This is crazy.
The Joker: Blah, blah-blah, blah-blah. Blah-blah, blah, blah. All of that chitchat's gonna get ya hurt.
[smacks Griggs' shoulders]
Griggs: Oh! My God!
The Joker: Mmm.
[Joker holds out his ring and Griggs kisses it]
The Joker: I could tell you meant that.
Griggs: Yeah.
The Joker: [laughs] You're gonna be my friend.
Amanda Waller: In a world of flying men and monsters, this is the only way to protect our country.
The Joker: Oh, you.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: You're not leaving me. You're not leaving me!
The Joker: You, you, you're a pain in the ass.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: I have done everything you said. Every test, every trial, every initiation. I have proved I love you. Just accept it.
The Joker: [interrupts] Got it, got it, got it, got it. I am not someone who is loved. I'm an idea. A state of mind. I execute *my* will according to my plan. And you, Doctor... are not part of my plan.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Just let me in. I promise... Let me in! I promise I won't hurt you!
The Joker: A promise-promise?
[laughs]
Harley Quinn: Why do you eat people?
Killer Croc: Gives me their power.
Harley Quinn: Would you like to eat me?
Killer Croc: Hell no.
Harley Quinn: Aw, why not?
Killer Croc: I don't want your crazy.
Harley Quinn: Says the guy who lives in a sewer.
Killer Croc: At least I know it's a sewer.
Harley Quinn: Oh, I get it. 'Cause, like, this is a sewer, too, only with nice shops and restaurants, right? You hate mankind much? Let me guess. Mommy didn't take you to Chuck E. Cheese on your sixth birthday. I can recommend a good therapist.
[Killer Croc growls and starts to swing at Harley]
Diablo: Why?
Harley Quinn: Because I'm bored! I need a victim, a mind to pry apart and spit in.
Diablo: Just leave it, mate. She's a rabbit hole. Don't fall in.
Deadshot: [toasting] Here's to honor... among thieves.
[to Captain Boomerang, who has killed his own henchman]
The Flash: No honor among thieves, eh?
The Joker: [sarcastically as Harley holds a gun to his head] Don't hurt me. I'll be your friend.
[seriously]
The Joker: Do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel: My heart scares you, and a gun doesn't?
The Joker: Do it!
[snatches gun away and laughs]
The Joker: Ah, if you weren't so crazy, I'd think you were insane. Go... away.
Rick Flag: This is Katana. She's got my back. She can cut all of you in half with one sword stroke, just like mowing the lawn. I would advise not getting killed by her. Her sword traps the souls of its victims.
Harley Quinn: Japanese, female. Mid-20s, 5'5", good health, athletic. And... An only child. With deep-seated father issues. Daddy wanted a son, so she has to hide behind a mask.
Katana: [removes mask] I am not... hiding.
Harley Quinn: Now, that was gangster!
Deadshot: Harley. Why don't you stop acting like a drunken stripper?
Harley Quinn: You wanna tell me what the hell is going on, then? 'Cause...
[sniffs]
Harley Quinn: I smell a rat.
Deadshot: If they don't blow our heads off, we'll have to fight our way out of this city. I need you to play nice with the other children.
Harley Quinn: And quietly return to my cage. Sure, okay. Hey, that's okay sellout. I get it. I get it. I know how the world works, okay? And when it comes to the heart, everyone for themselves, right?
Amanda Waller: But everyone has a weakness. And a weakness can be leveraged.
Griggs: That is just a whole lot of pretty in a whole lot of crazy.
Rick Flag: Whoa, wait here. Please. I don't wanna give this dude a heart attack. Okay?
Harley Quinn: Aw, he's embarrassed of us.
Deadshot: Hey Flag. This dude better cure cancer after all of this shit.
Killer Croc: [to everyone] Y'all don't mind, I got me a sewer to crawl back into.
Deadshot: Yeah, and I got some business to handle back in Gotham.
Harley Quinn: I'm going to hotwire a car. Need a ride?
Deadshot: Your ass is not driving.
Amanda Waller: And if they get caught, we throw them under the bus.
The Joker: Where is she?
Frost: It's complex. This is not just her. Everybody's disappearing. There's this new law, where if you're a bad enough bad guy, they stamp "terrorist" on your jacket. They send you to this swamp in Louisiana. A black site. That's where she is.
[pause]
Frost: So, what are we doing?
The Joker: Bring the car around. We're going for a drive.
[laughs]
[first lines]
Griggs: Chow time!
Griggs: [to Harley] My job is to keep you alive until you die. You understand that?
Batman: It's over, Deadshot. I don't want to do this in front of your daughter.
Deadshot: [about Amanda Waller] Damn. That is just a mean lady.
Rick Flag: Yeah. You get used to it.
Rick Flag: [to Deadshot] I'm a soldier! And you're a serial killer who takes credit cards. When the shooting starts, and it will, you'll cut and run.
Deadshot: [to Griggs] One day, somehow, some way, I'm gonna get outta here. And I'm gonna rain down on you like the Holy Ghost.
Harley Quinn: I'm not much of a joiner, but... maybe we should.
Deadshot: Hey! She's trying to take over the world.
Harley Quinn: So? What's the world ever done for us, anyway? It hates us.
Deadshot: Hey, Harley!
Harley Quinn: [approaches Enchantress] Hey, lady? Um... I lost my Puddin'. But you can get him back, right?
[Upon awakening her brother, Incubus]
Enchantress: Brother, I have freed you.
Incubus: Where are we?
Enchantress: The same World only much later.
Incubus: What happened?
Enchantress: The humans turned against us.
Incubus: But they worshipped us. We were gods to them.
Enchantress: Now they worship machines. So I will build a machine that will destroy them all. Build your strength. Feed on them. And wait for me to return.
[Enchantress disappears]
Harley Quinn: Whee!
Griggs: Listen, you're being transferred. I don't know where you're going. It's from Mr. J.
[hands Harley a phone]
Griggs: You gonna tell him I took care of you?
Harley Quinn: You're so screwed!
[laughs]
Griggs: What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that?
[to SEAL pushing him away]
Griggs: Get off me! Get Off me! Harley, what do you mean by that? Harley!
The Joker: [text message to Harley] I'm coming for you.
Harley Quinn: Puddin'!
[kisses the Joker]
Harley Quinn: You got all dressed up for me?
The Joker: Oh, you know I'd do anything for you. By the way, I've got some grape soda on ice and a bear skin rug waiting.
Rick Flag: Here comes Slipknot, the man who can climb anything.
The Joker: [text message to Harley] I am close be ready...
Slipknot: [after punching a woman] She had a mouth!
Harley Quinn: [reaction to seeing Waller] No way.
Rick Flag: Let's go home.
Captain Boomerang: Yeah, let's go home. That sounds good. You guys wanna go home? Hmm? Or you wanna go back to prison?
Harley Quinn: I'm not going back to prison.
Captain Boomerang: What I'm saying is we kill the pair of 'em now before they kill us.
Amanda Waller: [holds Katana back] I got this. You all made it this far. Don't get high-spirited on me and ruin a good thing.
Killer Croc: I like her.
Amanda Waller: You know what the problem with a metahuman is? The human part. We got lucky with Superman. He shared our values. The next Superman might not.
Deadshot: [to Flag] I'm gonna get you there. And you're gonna end this. I'm gonna carry your ass if I have to. 'Cause this shit is gonna be like a chapter in the Bible. Everybody's gonna know what we did. And my daughter is gonna know that her Daddy is not a piece of shit.
Enchantress: [to Rick Flag] Baby, it's just a nightmare. It's just a bad dream. I'm here.
Deadshot: You know the dark places, too. Don't act like you don't.
Enchantress: I've been waiting for you all night. Step out of the shadows. I won't bite.
Harley Quinn: Hmm.
[Harley starts to walk to Enchantress]
Rick Flag: What the hell? Grab her!
[Deadshot grabs Harley]
Enchantress: Why are you all here? Because the soldier led you? And all for Waller. Why do you serve those who cage you? I am your ally. And I know what you want. Exactly what you want.
The Joker: If you weren't so crazy, I'd think you were insane...
Angelo: [answers phone] What?
Deadshot: Hey, Angelo, this is the exterminator you called for your rat problem. My account's looking a little thin.
Angelo: No one gets paid until what needs to get done, gets done.
Deadshot: Nope, that's not the rules. No money, no honey.
[a convoy of FBI vehicles pulls into the street below]
Deadshot: Whoa, here's your boy right now, with about twenty of his new best friends.
[glances at his phone]
Deadshot: I'm still seeing zeroes over here, Angie.
Angelo: Then stop bitching and do your job!
Deadshot: Uh, they're taking him out of the car now. In about thirty seconds your window is going to close forever.
Angelo: Okay. Okay, okay, relax! There was an accounting error. We sent it.
[$1,000,000 is deposited into Deadshot's account]
Deadshot: Now double it for being a dickhead. You got ten seconds.
Angelo: We're not the kind of people you play with!
Deadshot: Did you just... did you threaten me? This dude's gonna get a sore throat from all the singing he's about to do.
Angelo: You son of a bitch...
[Another $1,000,000 is deposited]
Deadshot: Pleasure doing business with you, Angie.
[BANG!]
Amanda Waller: The world changed when Superman flew across the sky. And then it changed again when he didn't. And that is why I'm here.
Amanda Waller: [about Killer Croc] He looked like a monster. So they treated him like a monster. Then he became a monster.
Rick Flag: You notice these are criminals?
Amanda Waller: Mm-hm.
Rick Flag: They're psychotic anti-social freaks. It makes no sense. Let me hit the tier-one units, and I'll build you a team of pipe-hitters who'll do anything you can dream up. I mean, you need real soldiers, not these scumbags.
Amanda Waller: In World War 2, the US Navy made a deal with the Mafia to protect its ships on the waterfront.
Rick Flag: This ain't World War 2.
Amanda Waller: It's World War 3.
Griggs: Prisoner, get down on your knees, Now! Down on your knees! Hands in the air! Turn around! Hands up high!
Harley Quinn: Hey, I'm cooperating. All right? This is me being cool.
Griggs: [to guards] Take her.
[Harley attacks the guards]
Griggs: Do not fire that goddamn weapon! Damn it!
[fires taser at Harley]
Deadshot: Hey man, I know you can't hear me 'cause you're trapped in your temple of soldierly self-righteousness. But a two-faced dude like you wouldn't survive a second on the street.
Rick Flag: Oh, says the guy who shoots people for money.
Rick Flag: What are you really up to?
Amanda Waller: It's a 'need-to-know', and all you need to know is that you work for me.
Rick Flag: That can be changed with a phone call. I have friends too, you know?
Amanda Waller: [takes out her phone and tosses it on the desk in front of Flag] There you go; call 'em. But without you minding her, your lady friend stays here, strapped to a board, in a drug-induced coma.
Rick Flag: They warned me about you.
[pause]
Rick Flag: My dumb ass didn't believe the stories.
Amanda Waller: [steps up close, smiling] Nobody does.
Amanda Waller: I wanna build a team of some very bad people who I think can do some good. Like fight the next war, defeat the next Superman.
Chairman: Not on my watch. You're not putting those monsters back out on the street in our name.
Amanda Waller: General, we run them covertly, non-attributed. Strictly need to know. And if they get caught, we throw them under the bus. The next war will be fought with these metahumans. Ours, or theirs. We're not the only ones kicking up rocks looking for them.
Dexter Tolliver: I move to authorize Amanda Waller to establish Taskforce X under the ARGUS program
Chairman: Activate Taskforce X and get Amanda Waller and her whole circus on scene asap
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1386697/quotes/qt3071836
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